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Clanmeet pt.1 Edit

A thought.

If the major plot of this book had been trying to get the dwarves to join the Varden that might have been more interesting. In fact, it might have even been ... GASP a plot. Sadly... it is not. And there is no plot. And it rambles on and on and on and on. And on. If we had just cut out the beginning of the book with the running and Arya, this would be a lot shorter.

That is here nor there. Sadly.

Eragon and his guard return to Orik's chambers. He gets a dramatic entrance with doors being thrown open as he approaches letting him stride through. Orik is talking to other dwarves. He is afraid that if news of what happened to Eragon got out it would spark a clan war. He also has information.

What he has are three dwarves bound in a stack. Yes. Piled one on top of the other. Like boxes. The one on the bottom is kicking. I have no idea what purpose it serves to keep your prisoners like that. Or why such an idea would even occur to anyone.. Maybe Paolini was... drunk? Stoned? Feverish at the time? Of course, I've spent a lot of time wondering things like that while reading this book. I mean who goes, "let's pile people on top of each other!" even for non-prisoner keeping purposes. I can't think of a single moment or situation where such a thing would be useful. It's not even like cow-tipping. Or cow stacking? Could you stack cows? I think it'd be easier, they seem to be better built for stacking.

Dwarf tossing makes more sense.

Stack O'Dwarves?

Hi-Ho Hi-ho it's dwarf stacking we go?

How high can you go!

Here we are at the international dwarf stacking competition. It's been a rough day. The Tolkien dwarves have been sidelined by claiming it an insult to them and have started looking for the elf who came up with the idea. Meanwhile the Discworld dwarves are currently ahead by a six dwarf lead using a clever use of magnets and chain armor. The Inheritance dwarves are a close second though as they the go for another dwarf. Can they do it? Oh no! It looks like the bottom dwarf has started kicking and screaming! Will this topple the pile?

Who are these stacked dwarves. Well, it's tale to tell.

First Orik had his smiths check out those daggers that were used to attack Eragon. They were made by one Kiefna Long-nose, a bladesmith of our clan who has achieved great renown. From there they went to an armorer in Dalgon and he sold them to a woman with seven fingers on each hand. Which is apparently a common condition for dwarves.

I'm not sure how that works.

I have two thoughts on this as well. One: The six fingered man from the Princess Bride. (Hello, my name is Eragon Shadeslayer. You killed my guard. Prepare to die). Two I know that having six fingers is the dominant gene for humans, but it has been weeded out by the fact that five fingers is easier. Why then would there be a common condition of seven fingers? I would think that one or the other would have dominated. And if it's so common why haven't we seen any before. Eragon is really good at noticing male body parts so why not the seven fingers. He could even wonder about if they're better at fingering things than five fingers.

Of course I went there.

Where were we? Right. Dwarf woman goes and gives the daggers to a wine merchant who goes and delivers them to a city held by the Dûrgrimst Az Sweldn rak Anhûin. They are the evil dwarves, for those keeping track. Or for those who care. Which causes Eragon to ejaculate "So it was them!" Orik says that it could also be someone who wants them to think it was them.

So by the use of a very clever spell they back track the assassins' steps.

Wait. What?

Two things.

1. How the hell did they manage to get all that information in twelve hours at most? Even by today's standards that's impossibly fast. I mean first they'd have to examine the knife. Then discover who made it. Then contact the guy who made it. Then see if he remembers who bought them. Then find the guy who bought them. Then contact the guy who bought them. Then ask if he remembers who bought them Then see if they can find a woman with seven fingers which is like saying a woman with blond hair. Then see where she gave them to. Then find this wine merchant who God only knows could be, as he is a merchant I imagine he goes a lot of places... etc.

2. Why didn't they just retrace the assassin's footsteps in the first place instead of all that run around. It got them to the men who executed the attack and the name of the man who ordered them to do it. Who is the leader of the Dûrgrimst Az Sweldn rak Anhûin or hacking cough clan as I shall now call them. The three stacked dwarves are dishonored warriors that no one speaks of.

It seems like (1) was a complete waste of time because they got their answer with (2) which was a lot simpler to do and would probably would have saved them a lot of time and effort.

Putting logic aside, in a box and burying in the deeps where Cthullu rests, Eragon wants to know what it all means. Orik says that it means if they play it right, they could make him king. (Orik that is, not Eragon). This matters not to Eragon. He just wants to know how they can punish the hacking cough clan. “How will we punish Az Sweldn rak Anhûin for this crime? He says it as if he's referring to the entire clan. I would hope that as a hero he would only want to punish those responsible as opposed to everyone ... well just everyone. Including women, children and elderly. But we already know that Eragon has no issues killing children or harming the elderly and disabled. Of course earlier he did say that he would be willing to kill all of them if they wouldn't leave him alone, so I suppose this shouldn't be of any surprise to me. Though the desk is getting a bit of a dent in it.

I keep on wanting to start this sentence with "Alec" which is silly.

Orik says that he has a plan on how to do these things that need to be done without a big clan war breaking out. One of those things will require the magicians of the various clans peeking into Eragon's head and seeing his memories. He reluctantly agrees to this, with the warning that if they see things they're not supposed to he'll burn the memories out of their minds. What's wrong with a truth spell? I mean a spell that indicates when the person is telling the truth or not? That way no one has to go into anyone's heads. Of course they would say because they might be able to block a truth spell. But that's the point of a truth spell isn't it? Make Eragon speak in the ancient language even then they know he can't lie.

Curious. Do dwarves use the ancient language to do their magic? It is the language of the elves and they don't like the elves. Or how did they learn the True Language? And why would you speak in anything but the True Language if you knew it? After all it's the True Language. Sort of like the True Religion, isn't it?

Huh.

If you can use a True Language as an everyday language -like the elves do- then if you know about it, it would seem like you would want to do it. Unless you wanted to lie.

My head hurts.

Oh, yes, I forgot, they broke the minds of two of the three stacked dwarves to get proof that it was the hacking cough clan. Okay. Not too... happy with that one. It feels like overkill.

The best part about it is, that these three dwarves are going to have their memories verified against Eragon's to see if their stories match up. Eragon and these three dwarves have never been near each other until now. What memories are they going to verify against each other? And what about the other guards in Eragon's bodyguard group? What about their memories? Why don't they check those out?

Sigh.

Orik concludes that Eragon should stay the night. Eragon does not think he'll be able to sleep however, "“If you intend to sleep,” said Eragon, “I must warn you, I cannot rest, not tonight. My blood still churns from the tumult of the fight, and my thoughts are likewise uneasy.”

So, Eragon is going to be that annoying bastard who makes loud noises while everyone is trying to sleep? My neighbor in the dorms was like that. Used to turn his music on at the same time I was trying to go to sleep. I hated his guts. Don't remember his name now, though. Not important.

Unlike me, Orik doesn't seem to be at all bothered by the idea that Eragon is going to be up all night stewing. Or the remainder of the night. He says win or lose they'll be written into history and it will be awesome.


Brisingr
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